This post is more...real?....no...I don't know what the word is. All of the posts I've written have been real. Real things. Real stories. Real adventures. The pictures included are really of us and things we've done. The difference is that for the most part those posts are all positive. Sharing the fun, funny, happy adventures and memories. This one's a memory and certainly the start of an adventure, but as I write it I am in no way feeling fun, funny, or happy. In fact, I'm not even sharing this one on Facebook as I normally do. If you happen to stumble upon it please go ahead and read it. If I wanted it to be a total secret I wouldn't write it to begin with.
Today was day 1. Day 1 of what I'm hoping is no more than 365. {We still don't have a set end date. Is it rude to ask on the first day?!?} Paul moved to Green Bay today for his residency. The last few days have been harder than I imagined they would be. We've been trying to move out of the condo at the same time as packing his stuff, leaving me with a very empty house. I cried when we took the pictures off the wall, I cried when we packed up the kitchen, and I cried when we put stuff in storage. There's been a lot of crying. There are boxes everywhere constantly reminding me of what's happening. This was the first place we lived together. It was where we got engaged, where we planned our wedding, where we had countless conversations about our future, where we lived when we got our first pet, and where we had planned to spend the next year or more of our lives together. We had plans that involved babies and vacations and living our life the way we had been. That all changed really quickly and apparently more quickly that I thought I was ok with. I thought I was ready to say goodbye to this chapter and start the next and I am, I just didn't realize how difficult it would be.
I know this will work out and I know this will be for the best. I know that. It could be SO. MUCH. WORSE. We're lucky that he's only 2 1/2 hours away. I keep telling myself that over and over again. I can't even tell you how many times I've told myself that this is what we need to do right now and that it will get easier. However, as the kleenex piles up around me it's hard to believe it. But, we've made it to the end of day 1! And that means tomorrow is day TWO! One. Day. At. A. Time. That's how I'll take this for right now. Hopefully soon it's one week at a time and before we know it, it will only be a couple short months.
I told you this post wasn't going to be sunshine and roses. I warned you. I'm not asking for pity and sad looks. In fact, that's the last thing I need right now. I just needed to be real with myself to hopefully make this more ok. I've been holding in so many thoughts and emotions in front of people that I think it's actually made this more difficult. So, for right now, no more strong and happy Julie. Nope, for tonight I get to be sad and teary eyed Julie. But just for tonight. Tomorrow I'm going for a run and making it a new day. I've got a plan and we're going to make this work. For the next 364 days.
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